Code of conduct for Parents and Caregivers

“There are two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children.
One of these is roots, the other, wings.” Hodding Carter

Parents and caregivers!

Live by example. Teenagers hate hypocrisy. Walk the talk!

Share your lives with your teenagers in a way that is authentic and loving. Share your search for meaning, your struggles and failures as well as your hopes, achievements and questions.

Express your beliefs; describe your faith but never force them onto your teenage child.

Communicate the challenges involved in making responsible choices in life. Involve your teenager in such processes- seeing all sides of an issue and coming to decisions.

Allow your teenager, step by step, to consciously recognize the balance between freedom and responsibility. Support them in increasing their levels of self-responsibility with age.

Take time. Really make the space to spend time together. Share a meal together daily in the absence of television or radio. Listen without judgment.

Be patient. Allow for phases, fads, extremes and contradictions. Nurture your sense of humour.

Show understanding and be generous in times of stress, such as exams or a romance break-up. It will be appreciated.


Be real. If you are annoyed or angry, say so. Don’t pretend you are something that you are not. Communicate honestly your needs e.g. those relating to cleanliness.

Talk to other parents to help put your situation in perspective. Seek professional advice if you need support.

Negotiate boundaries based on common sense. Some issues are black and white, e.g. “Never get into a car with a drunk driver. Call us or call a taxi.” Most issues have grey areas and need open discussion. Negotiate logical consequences should these boundaries be transgressed.

Encourage an active social network as well as out-of -school activities such as soccer, dance, music lessons. Show genuine interest and a willingness to support both financially and with your time.

Be compassionate. Do something for others with your teenager e.g. the Oxfam walk.

Respect your teenager’s need for privacy.

Forgive. Teenagers make mistakes. Don’t hold grudges.

Rejoice! Acknowledge achievements, and positive behavior.